Never Lost the Game
by TearsLost
Summary: Near had never been out of control. Never lost the game, never miscalculated the puzzle... Until now. Near finds himself victim of an evil plot that is too evil even to be Kira's doing. Who will save him? Can he save himself? Who is his mysterious assailant? Nathan Rivers Near Light Kira L Lawliet Ryusaki Desu Noto Death Note rape character abuse fear pain mystery horror tragedy
1. Chapter 1

There was never a time before this day that Near had ever found himself exerting so much strength. He'd never fought so wildly, and fear had never gripped his being so wholly. He had never been out of control. Never lost the game, never miscalculated the puzzle...

He had never lost a game.

Near's mind played this over and over in a mocking loop as he struggled wildly, feeling ropes coil around his thin wrists and pull his arms to his neck to limit his mobility. The members of the SPK had all just dropped dead, and not a moment after the last head hit the floor with a sickening thud, a man in a mask had entered the room and grabbed Near before he could escape. Near, normally calm and quiet, suddenly blew up in a serious of wild swings and kicks, taking his attacker by surprise only long enough for him to land one good blow before he was overpowered.

Near was blindfolded, and let out a cry of pain when he was kneed in the ribs. Too weary to put up any more fight, he felt himself lifted completely off the floor and thrown over the bony shoulder of his captor, his already sore ribs aching all the more.

Near felt ill by the time he was fully carried from the building, all the blood having rushed to his head. When he was thrown off, he felt so nauseous he could have easily passed out as all the blood flooded back into the rest of his body. He felt rather than heard a loud crack, and let out a little yelp when something came down smartly on his shoulder. He had been hit with some sort of whip, which now hit across his back and spine. Ducking to protect his head, Near flinched every time he heard the whip whistle through the air, and let out a whimper every time he felt a new wound open up across his back.

Near felt himself lifted from the ground and tossed carelessly back down, his head smacking smartly off the hard surface and his shoulder crunching painfully underneath him. Unable to crawl because his hands were tied to his neck to limit his mobility, he scurried away on his knees, trying to get away from his attacker.

He sat in a corner, panting, listening for the sound of the unknown assailant to come after him. But he never heard a sound. He suppressed a yelp of surprise, however, as his face was suddenly grabbed by gloved hands, his hair pulled and his mouth yanked open. Near tried to bite down on the thumbs that held his jaw agape, but something had been shoved in to keep him from closing his mouth.

Pulling away from the hands, Near desperately tried to reach the object that was lodged in his mouth, as it was prying his jaw open far wider than was comfortable. Near froze, his eyes widening under the blindfold as he heard a zipper, his mind frantically searching for what could possibly happen next. He grunted in shock as something big, hard and round was shoved down his throat, making him choke. The object moved back and forth slowly, gagging Near as little tears of pain stung his eyes.

Near choked and gagged, pressed against a rough stone wall as the object pumped faster and harder, and a sickening idea had popped into his mind as to what it was as a hot, sticky substance shot down his throat. It was over no sooner than it had begun, and the object prying Near's jaw open was removed as well. Near flexed his sore jaw, still gagging and coughing out the vile liquid. He had read about things like this happening to unsuspecting victims. He had just never considered that he would ever be one of those victims. What did anyone have to gain by doing this to him? All the other SPK members were dead. He didn't have any information that would be valuable enough to beat out of him. Which meant his captor was more than likely someone other than Kira.

Near felt a soft, odd thing pressed against his lips. He soon concluded that it was perhaps another pair of lips. He had never been kissed before, and so the feeling was unfamiliar to him. Struggling wildly, Near gasped for breath as the lips moved away, letting out a muffled cry when he was kicked in the stomach again. This time, he retched, tears pouring from his eyes and hot, sticky blood pooled down his chin, the metallic taste burning his throat and tongue.

Near struggled again, and only succeeded in aiding his captor as he was pushed to the ground, the man crawling over top of him. No longer concerned about dignity, Near let out a long, piercing scream, flailing wildly in alarm as his pants were pulled hastily down and a strong hand clamped over his mouth. From the feel and smell, Near had earlier concluded that he had been taken to an alleyway just outside the SPK headquarters. He only hoped that some passer-by would hear his screams and perhaps save him.

The man, now frightened of getting caught due to Near's terrified shrieks, pressed more firmly against Near's face, crushing the boy's head against the hard ground.

Near's frantic and wild struggle kicked into third gear when he felt a stab of pain as the man began to thrust angrily in and out.

Near was left a sobbing heap when the man disappeared into the night, all traces of his existence gone except for in Near's memory. The boy had never been broken before. He'd never lost the game.

**A/N: Soooooo what'ya think? Should I continue? All credit for story idea goes to Cerenbus. Snape. Malfoy, who was too chicken to write the story on his own account. XD Love you buddy, thanks for letting me write this awesome story!**

**Also, I don't hate Near. I just like torturing my favorite characters. I think it's some kind of incurable disease. **

**I do character abuse! If you have any requests for what you want to happen to Near next, leave a review, and if you have any characters from other shows, just message me!**


	2. Chapter 2

Near was lonely. He hurt. He didn't want to hurt. He wanted to push it all away and return to being his calm, collected self. Why could he not regain the control he had once possessed? He could see it... just hanging beyond his reach. He reached for it, his fingers brushing at the edge and then...

He snapped.

Near squeezed his eyes shut, curling further into a ball and mentally berating himself for not being able to recover as quickly as he would like. He knew, he understood that others went through certain types of trauma after such things as this happened to them, but he was different. He was the first successor to L. He was N, the leader of the SPK.

But the SPK was gone. No one person can operate an entire organization without those under him for assistance. What was he to do now?

He would get back to the SPK headquarters and try to contact the second L. But what good would that do? He suspected the second L of being Kira, and part of him suspected that the second Kira was angry that he didn't know his name and couldn't kill him, therefore he attacked him in hopes of tearing him down.

Near had no intentions of letting Kira win. Under no circumstances, was he going to be beaten. He had to regain control. He couldn't lose the game.

* * *

><p>"Near, are you there? Near, please respond."<p>

Light tried for the fifth time in the past twenty minutes to contact Near about some important new leads he and the rest of the police force had just discovered. But for some reason, no one was answering.

"I don't get it, shouldn't someone be there at all times?" Matsuda commented, looking up from the police reports he had been idly scanning through.

"Something must be wrong." Aizawa murmured.

"We have to do something!" Matsuda cried, slamming his fist on the desk and making mugs rattle.

"What _can _we do, Matsuda? We are helpless here, we don't know where the SPK headquarters are, we can't _do _anything!" Soichiro replied in frustration, hearing Light speaking in the background, once again trying to contact Near.

All at once, the screen changed and a big 'N' presented itself on the screen.

"L." The voice was Near's, and there was no voice modifier. The voice was young, feminine and sounded pained.

"Near! What's going on, we've been trying to get a hold of you for-"

"He got us."

"What do you mean?"

"Everyone on the SPK task force is dead."

The Kira Task Force members all gasped in unison, straining on the edges of their seats, hanging on Near's every word.

"Are you alright?" Light murmured.

Near hesitated. "I have been... injured." His voice was quiet.

There was a loud explosion and static, a startled cry of pain and then silence.

"Near!?"

There were several seconds of silence when the stream was disconnected.

"That didn't sound good." Matsuda whimpered.

"DAMN IT!" Aizawa slammed his fist on his knee.

The screen suddenly flashed again and Near's voice rang out urgently on the other end, static making him hard to understand.

"-attack-destroyed-completely collapsed-need of assistance-"

"Near! Where are you!" Light cried into the mic.

Near quickly rattled off a location in Kanto, Japan. "HURRY!" Near's static-filled voice cried with unusual amounts of urgency before the connection failed again.

The police members were already on their feet and out the door, heading for the location Near had given.

* * *

><p>Near groaned in pain, a heavy beam only inches from crushing him to death. He had managed to get back into the SPK headquarters with surprising ease. He should have predicted that his attacker had left the place unusable after he'd left. He had rigged Near's comm to explode when in use. A clever assailant indeed.<p>

Near cringed, letting his head fall back against the floor, panting as the beam groaned and slid, adding to the pressure to his chest. He had been waiting for half an hour already. Perhaps the second L hadn't heard him correctly through the static. Or he simply was Kira and was purposely stalling as much as possible, hoping Near would die?

Just as Near was ready to accept his immanent death, he heard loud voices coming towards him.

"Near, where are you?" A voice called.

"Over... hear..." Near managed to gasp out, unable to see around the large beam that had collapsed over top of him.

Near felt a hand on his leg which was on the other side of the fallen beams.

"We can't get around it!" The voice told Near, muffled through the debris.

"Can't... breathe..." Was all he had to say to that.

"Matsuda, go get the car jack!" The voice yelled, and another hand clutched at his other ankle.

"Just stay calm, Near." A different voice murmured. It was deep and helped Near to calm down, taking shallow breathes as the beam groaned some more. If it came down any further, he was sure his ribs would snap under the pressure...

The beam shifted and groaned again and Near braced himself for a very, very painful death. But it never came. The beam, actually started feeling lighter. Matsuo, or Matsuda or whatever his name was obviously had come back with the car jack.

Near felt himself being pulled through, his head now directly under the beam where his torso had been just a moment before. He ducked and slid out all the way a split second before the jack gave way and the beam crushed it, along with what would have been Near's head had he not been fast enough.

Near winced in pain, clutching his aching ribs. He had never intended to meet the Kira Task Force this way. He had wanted to be in control at the time he met them. This was not control.

"Are you alright?" A kindly, concerned face looked down at him, the same deep voice that had told him to keep calm.

"I will live, thanks to you. In the meantime, I suggest we all leave before the building comes down on us." Near replied, sitting up with a little difficulty as some more debris fell from the ceiling.

"Agreed."

"Come on, everyone move out!" A young man, no older than his teens called, and Near narrowed his eyes. He wasn't sure why, but he had an aching feeling about this boy that wasn't caused by his ribs.

"Come on." The older man helped him stand and let Near lean on him as they safely exited the building and climbed into a car.

"We need to get you to a hospital." the older man was saying.

"I have a personal physician I would rather see." Near protested calmly, still clutching his side painfully.

"I must insist you see _someone _at once, Near. You could be seriously injured."

Near tipped his head to the side and studied the older man for a moment. "Soichiro Yagami?" he guessed quietly.

Soichiro gave him a startled look.

"I have all of your files committed to memory, and I'm only just now recovered enough to recognize your face." Near offered as a quiet explanation.

Soichiro nodded slowly. "Now, what exactly happened?"

Near sighed softly and began explaining all the deaths of the SPK members and the prompt arrival of a masked man. He stopped talking suddenly.

"Near, what happened after that?"

Near remained silent for a long time. "Hm. I don't care to get into that at the moment, Yagami Soichiro."

Soichiro furrowed his brow. "Alright. I still insist you get medical attention as soon as possible."

Near hid his irritation, his hand going up to play with his hair. "Very well."

**AN: So Near couldn't bring himself to admit to these guys that he was raped, will he be able to admit it to the doctor?**


	3. Chapter 3

Near was determined to pull himself together after this, but God help him he couldn't stop the flashbacks. He could still feel the whip, hear the zipper, taste the - no, he decided that he'd been mistaken. He would rather his deductive reasoning be wrong than his dignity be damaged. He'd been rattled and injured, tied and blindfolded. Things had appeared differently to him in that vulnerable state than they had been in reality. Of this he wanted to be sure. He wished he could allow himself to be fooled so easily.

Sighing and dropping his large, pale eyes from staring blindly out the window, Near had to concentrate to keep from flinching each time he heard something in the otherwise silent car that resembled a zipper being undone. He had to clutch the seat tightly to keep his body from shaking. His mind was flooded, as in all the chaos the normal order had been unbalanced, and he was scrambling at every moment to pick things up and put them back in their proper place. As such, he missed the first two times Soichiro Yagami tried to ask him if he was okay.

Near jumped, turning sharply to look at the man who had touched his arm to gain his attention, and he pulled away from the touch, his expression hardening. "What?" He had tried for nonchalance, but couldn't help but feel it had come out a bit more scathing than he would have liked.

"Where are you hurt? You're bleeding all over the seat." Soichiro told him, indicating the boy's shredded shirt, from the beating he'd received with the whip. His skin under the tattered once-white shirt burned and tingled, a feeling he had temporarily forgotten whilst preoccupied with his mental and emotional wounds.

Near cringed, leaning forward tiredly to try and get comfortable, grinding his teeth together when that did nothing but stretch the damaged flesh and put pressure on his aching ribs. His throat still burned, and he could still taste _it_. His jaw still ached from being pried open cruelly. The skin on his wrists and neck was raw from the ropes, and he realised with a start that while he had successfully freed his wrists, the rope was still tied around his neck. He hoped no one had noticed, but he knew better than to assume they hadn't. His ribs were in agony, and he knew at least one of the bones was probably broken. The biting pain in his backside continued to make itself known, and his shoulder throbbed where the man had struck him repeatedly.

None of this physical pain compared even vaguely to the blow to his dignity, so he merely weakly shrugged, wincing when it hurt. "I think I'll live," he replied dully. "Perhaps a rib is broken, otherwise, I am fine." A lie if he ever told one. It didn't matter. It would be true after he'd been to his doctor.

Soichiro Yagami nodded, his eyes never leaving the pale, diminutive boy. His mind was racing. How old could this child possibly be? Certainly no older than Light, if even _as old_. How was he so powerful at such a young age? Soichiro furrowed his brow when he noticed the rope fastened so tightly around Near's neck that it was biting into the pale flesh and making it bleed. Soichiro tried to picture a situation in which someone would do such a thing to themselves, and couldn't. He was forced to draw the conclusion that Near hadn't been entirely truthful. Someone must have physically gone to the SPK headquarters and attempted to kill Near themselves. Soichiro just couldn't understand why Near had left that detail out.

Finally, they reached the coordinates Near had given them, and they all sat in muted horror for a moment, watching the humble little house blaze. Near's expression didn't change in the slightest. He just stared calmly out the window, the flames reflecting in his eyes. His personal physician, and the man's whole family was in that house, burning. The only indication that he felt any kind of emotion watching the home burn, was his pale fist clenched so tightly that his nails dug into his palm and made it bleed.

"We have to help them!" Matsuda cried helplessly, unbuckling and moving to get out of the car.

"Sit down," Near said through clenched teeth, and everyone stopped and turned to him. "There's nothing to be done for mister Huxley and his family. They're dead. We shouldn't linger here, it's not safe." He turned to stare at the driver, Mogi, until he nodded and backed the car away from the burning house, and they drove away in silence.

At Near's insistence, they bypassed the first four hospitals in their path before they finally stopped at one, because he had passed out from pain and blood loss, and could no longer protest.

"Mogi, Aizawa, go in ahead of us and make sure it's safe. Matsuda, Light, and Ukita, find the exits and don't move from them. I'll take Near." Soichiro Yagami instructed, collecting the small boy with little effort, and counting to ten before he followed Mogi and Aizawa into the hospital, carrying the injured boy and signing him in as Haruki Yagami, to protect his identity.

* * *

><p>Near, or Haruki, as his clipboard and door said, woke up after a few hours, blinking blearily and taking note at once of the cast around his shoulder, and the thick bandaging over his otherwise bare chest. He felt numb everywhere, and an oxygen mask covered his mouth and nose to help him breath. Near's deathly white hand shakily felt of the cast over his shoulder, which he hadn't even been aware that he had broken. It took him a full minute to even register that he wasn't alone in the room.<p>

Instantly his guard was up, but he relaxed a little when it was only Soichiro Yagami, sitting pensively in the chair by his bed. He looked up suddenly when Near shifted on the bed, and Near knew instantly by the look in the man's eyes - he knew. Those damned doctors...

Near coughed with some difficulty, cringing and tearing up a little at the pain in his chest, and his tired eyes never left Soichiro's face. "I'll live?" he asked, his voice muffled by the oxygen mask.

"You'll live," Soichiro agreed somberly.

"Then why am I still here?" Near cringed and attempted to sit up, but was sent immediately back down by the godawful pain in his chest.

"We can't take you yet. You've got internal injuries. You have to stay for at least a week."

"Un-" Near coughed, tearing up again at the damned pain. "un-accept-able-" he choked around the cough. "This is a public hospital, I can't stay here."

"We won't leave you here alone, Near. I have you signed in as Haruki Yagami, the task force and I are prepared to stay until you're well enough to leave."

Near looked quite displeased, but did not argue further. He figured he was just as vulnerable here at the hospital as he would be back at the Japanese Task Force's headquarters, because that was where he would have to go if he was able to leave right now. The SPK HQ was gone. Everyone Near knew and trusted was gone. He had no choice but to accept their help.

"Why didn't you tell us..." Soichiro began, searching the floor for the words to say. "Someone attacked you in person... this wasn't a Kira attack."

"No, I rather believe that it was," Near replied. "My entire team was killed by Kira before the masked man attacked me. He either was in league with Kira, or knew when Kira was going to attack and took advantage of it."

"It couldn't have been Kira himself, though? Otherwise he would have killed you instead of -" The man choked on his words, and dropped his eyes to the floor again.

Squirming from the discomfort that Near felt suddenly, he strained to retain his dignity - it was the most important, he told himself. Nothing else mattered, so long as he remained the same person he had been before this had happened. "Whoever he was, his intent was not to kill me, but to break me. He has failed miserably, and has made a fool of himself trying." That's right. He was the fool. Not Near. Near hadn't been made a fool. He was still in control.

Soichiro Yagami looked unconvinced for a moment, searching Near's face before sighing and shrugging helplessly. "Well we're no closer to unveiling his identity than we ever are to Kira's."

"He is irrelevant at the moment. I have little reason to believe he was working with Kira. He was in fact, by my calculations, a lesser enemy of mine taking advantage of the moment I had no backup." Near closed his eyes tiredly, sure he'd believe himself after he got some rest.

"Near, the man - what he did can't just - you can't just cast this aside as irrelevant - whether he is in league with Kira or not, what he did to you was malicious and evil-"

"-and in my opinion a different kind of evil than that of Kira's, and therefore currently irrelevant." Near concluded.

"But evil all the same, and in _my _opinion, yes a different kind of evil, but perhaps a greater one. If you choose to ignore this, that's your prerogative, but I'm not going to." Soichiro clenched his fists, unable to grasp how Near was able to behave so calmly about the matter.

"Feel free to waste your time chasing after a petty criminal, Chief Yagami. Meanwhile I will be back on the Kira case." Near murmured, half awake.

"All due respect, you're not fit to be put back on the Kira case for some time. You may have been in charge over at the SPK headquarters, but not here, and I've decided to take you off the case until you've healed; physically and emotionally."

Near's eyes snapped open at that. ' "With all due respect'," he began sourly, his eyes darkened with frustration. "That is not your call to make. I don't need to heal emotionally. As soon as I am physically able, I _will _be back on the Kira case."

Soichiro stood in frustration, rubbing his face to keep from lashing out. He chose to not continue this argument, instead excused himself to stand outside, closing the door firmly behind him.

"How is he?" Light asked, walking up and handing his father a cup of coffee.

"You're supposed to be guarding the doors, Light." Soichiro scolded wearily, accepting the coffee graciously. He took a generous gulp before he replied. "He's stubborn, is how he is. Wants to jump back on the horse right away, but I'm not so sure that's wise."

"But he thinks he can?" Light leaned on the wall across from his father, sipping his own coffee.

Soichiro nodded.

"Then why not let him?"

Soichiro's nod suddenly turned into a dubious shake. "Physically, he should be all right with a few weeks of rest. Mentally..."

"Mentally? He's been really shaken up by this Kira attack, then?" Light asked with interest.

Soichiro sighed, and just nodded, choosing not to divulge what the doctors had told him about the boy having been savagely raped. That was immensely personal, and Soichiro saw no need to relay that kind of information to his son or anyone else on the task force, least of all without Near's permission.

Soichiro began to sway on his feet, feeling suddenly overly-exhausted.

"Are you all right?" Light asked, moving to steady his father, who tightly gripped his son's arm for support.

"I just... need some rest, is all." Soichiro replied groggily. Light helped the man stumble back to the waiting room, and set him down quietly in one of the seats, before returning to the hall, found the door that said Yagami Haruki, and quietly slipped inside.

**A/N: Sorry it's been like a year and a half since I last updated. Life sucks balls. Kinda like Near! (sorry not sorry) So what do you think is gonna happen now? What is Light planning? Did he have anything to do with what happened to Near? How am I doing with keeping everybody in character? Mind you I haven't watched Death Note in probably well-over two years. Heh. Oh well. I'll be sure to watch a few episodes before I post another chapter. :3 Please review?**


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